you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
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Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
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Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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