OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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