Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
