Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Church boner. Awkwardddd
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
