she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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