dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
not ubering you a puppy
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
