Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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