He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
