Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
