I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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