Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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