he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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