did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
