Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
