You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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