I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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