we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
