Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
