party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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