He disabled his match.com account in front of me
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Princesses don't give blow jobs
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
