I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
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At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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