When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
