So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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