So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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