If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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