There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
