Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
