omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
