went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You were trust falling into bushes
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
