why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
