Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
