Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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