can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
