i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
