guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
