His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
