Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
