sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
