The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize