did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
