Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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