its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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