I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
