fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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