I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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