He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
