Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
