remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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