you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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