I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
you had me at cake vodka
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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