3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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