I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
