mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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