I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
