Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Randomize
