he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You were trust falling into bushes
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
