The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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