Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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