listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize