i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
