You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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