does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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