Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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